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Mommy Wars

This blog may be collecting dust, but I have made yet another promise to myself to get back on here and write about my journey (Hey, there is something to be said for continuing to make an effort after failure, right?)

That aside, I have some pretty big news: My husband and I are expecting a baby! This blog has been so neglected, that I am only writing about it now, 3 weeks from the little one’s due date.

And for all my musings about work and getting back to nature and what it is all for, there is nothing like the impending arrival of a child to turn all that philosophizing on its head. In fact, during this pregnancy, a lot of my old worries have been deemed completely self-indulgent/not important considering. Which is good. For now.

I have also discovered the mommy wars, and man (or woman) is it tough out there. There are so many opinions on the best way and the right way and the oh-no-dear-God-she-didn’t way. I would be easier to not let all the hoopla get to me if this wasn’t such a big deal.

To work or stay at home?
Natural birth or medication? Midwife or OB?
Breast or formula?
Glass or plastic?
Attachment parenting? Cry it out?
Cloth or disposable diapers?

It makes my head spin. And while I’ve manage to make my decisions on many of the looming questions. I can’t help but feel overwhelmed and sad that modern parenting has been reduced to warfare of what is “right” and “wrong,” with staunch defenders on all sides of each and every tiny issue.

I feel disapproving eyes each time I make a trip to Starbucks. “It’s decaf!” I want to scream, even though my midwife told me caffeine is fine in moderation. I feel judged each time I walk into a store without my wedding rings because my fingers are swollen beyond recognition, and yet I am annoyed at my sensitivity since we live in the 21st century, and it is no one’s damn business if I am married or not. Nothing like the precious and vulnerable life of a child to bring out the most judgmental part of society (and self-consciousness in me.)

All I know right now is I ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Nevertheless, I am beyond joyful for this new journey in my life, and will approach it with open arms and and open mind.

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8 thoughts on “Mommy Wars

  1. Possibly the best answer to all the dilemmas is – a bit of both. And I’ve left facebook, which means I’m not constantly confronted with opinions from people who are doing it differently from me and seem to think their way is the only right way.

    Congratulations on making it to Freshly Pressed!

  2. The mommy wars are awful, aren’t they? I find they are much worse on the internet than in real life, though. Probably because of the anonamous nature of things. But seriously, who cares if the neighbor is using a bottle instead of breastfeeding? I don’t need to convert the whole world.

    • I agree. My inspiration for that post came because at that point in my pregnancy, I was hormonal and super defensive and was getting advice from everyone about how to be a mom. It made my head spin. I say to each her own. Plus, most of my “plans” quickly dissolved once my little guy arrived.

      I don’t know the origin of this quote but I think it rings true: There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.

      Thanks for your reply!

  3. The whole advice thing is really tough with having a baby. I find it helpful to take in a range of opinions and then make my own decisions…as I do with most decisions. I really value being informed and being a parent is a very important job and we do need on the job training. My husband’s sister and her husband give me fabulous advice. I can’t always take it all in but they have alot of experience with young kids as well as their own and even if I don’t agree, I trust their judgement.
    I have also found it really helpful to know other mums with kids who are a range of ages and not just stick with the mums from mothers group where we are all ,in ignorance together. Just being able to watch other parents in action at playgroup or at the park is really valuable. I’ve done quite a few parenting courses too and they have been fabulous.
    Thanks for raising the subject of the Mummy wars too. It’s such a shame women aren’t more at peace with each other.

  4. I see so many people who are overwhelmed by the choices that having a baby brings, and I am awed by it all. I never even saw most of these choices as choices:
    I planned to work, always have; I am anti-formula, so that was never an option.
    I wanted a natural birth, but realized it may not be possible, and here, midwives and doctors work together.
    Our parenting style was figured out before our baby was born, and though I considered using cloth diapers, I decided that the extra water that the diaper loads would use is more precious in Israel than the garbage space of disposables. (I am rethinking that, but we will see.)
    We are both anti-daycare, too, so the question was only the logistics.

    Maybe I am closed-minded? Or were we just more baby-minded than everyone else, and so we put more thought into these issues before we even met?

    • I’m so sorry I just saw this comment, but I figured a response now is better than never! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I agree with what you are saying–for many decisions about my baby, it wasn’t necessarily a choice but what my gut felt was right. I think I was just overwhelmed by the glut of advice from well-meaning people who insisted their way was the only way. There are many ways to be a good, loving mother and I felt sad that moms seemed at odds with one another about parenting style rather than supporting one another.

      Thanks so much again for reading and please forgive my lapse in response time! I was kind of new to the whole blogging thing when I received quite a few comments at once. Thanks for reading!

      • My internet hasn’t been working for the past two weeks (blogged from a public computer that wouldn’t let me see the WordPress homepage), so I didn’t even realize it had taken you so long!

        I think a lot of people go with what their social circles deem appropriate, instead of listening to their own gut. At the end of the day, mom knows best – if she can shut out all the noise and listen to herself.

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